Another day, not earning any dollars.

The job hunt continues. The hope that a document review job will come up soon. I realize it is early in the month, but I do need to earn some money to pay my bills, keep my health insurance, etc.

So, universe, help me out, will you? And, if you read this, please send some good thoughts my way.

Why I love Bono.

Yes, I know. Celebs. But, here is another reason to love Bono. Enjoy.

Late in the day

Late in the day I realized that I was supposed to start what would have been my job today. Glad it was later, rather than sooner, that I realize that today was that day.

Responses to this revelation when shared with others have been from the profane. (Have to love your friends.)

In the end, I am sad. I'm allowed to be sad. The rage is gone, but sadness I'll allow.

I know I'll be fine and I will find something better. Just going to take time.

In other news, my fantastic ability to maintain long-term patience is being joined by a new found ability to have short-term patience. Who knew?

Some days.

Some days I just don't know what to write. Today, although still in a good mood, still in joy, was a bit harder. I just miss someone. Plain and simple.

It is hard to miss someone. There are those little things. Funny little occurrences that trigger memories of shared jokes that only the other person would get or appreciate. Who do you tell now?

The urge to share your day, as you have for practically every single day for the previous year, with that person. To ask about the other person's day. Who do you ask about their day now? Who do you tell your day to?

Then there is just the plain conversation. Gone. And, it's s hole - in your day, in your being, and, sometimes, in your soul. There is a bit of an ache in the heart , which is both good and bad. It reminds you that you feel, but also that something isn't there.

Then, there is also the part that makes you feel like an idiot for liking someone for so long who didn't like you. How did you not see it? And, then you remember how good it is to like someone and how alive it makes you feel. How, even after 10 years, it is good to take a chance on someone, and it will be good to do it again.

There's a lot of change right now for me. A hell of a lot. I don't know how long it will take to get past the heartache, past the liking, to a place where I can be a friend without any additional interest. Going through this and all the rest. It could be months. Only time will tell.

Until then, I allow myself to miss, allow myself to feel silly, and smile at both. I acknowledge I'm human and look forward to finding a person who reciprocates.

Some day.

What to do on a Saturday night?

Well, I'm watching my only alma mater with a football team in a bowl. Yes, the good ol' Spartans are playing Texas Tech right about now. I'm watching from RAZ's place, complete with tea to compete with the 50 MPH wind gusts outside.

I am also going to rave about the little bit of technology I am allowed during my Digital Cleanse. In case you don't know, the Digital Cleanse is the brain child of one John Mayer (Yes, that John Mayer). So far, so good. I'll keep you posted, but I'm not missing Facebook or Twitter too much. Who knew?

So many reasons to love Ricky Gervais

Not in the least of which is his song choices on his blog. Haven't read his blog? Find it here. Oh, and register for his website while you are at it.

Another reason? This of course.

It's My Year.

I hope you were able to ring in the new year in a big and bold way. I participated in my own ritual. In all of this, the last three years of law school and since September, I have paid bare attention to my spirit. And, last night, I did. I couldn't keep from smiling all day long, even during the hard parts, when a tears flowed over and down my face, I had a smile on. I went to a movie and then went for a walk through the city. A lot of the city. In the pouring rain. And it was wonderful. I spoke my letter to the universe, of which I am a part, of in which because i am a part, I have a say. i have a voice. I voiced what I learned and what I needed. I voiced what I was letting go and what I embraced. I told the universe how helping me allows meto help others. And, I asked for something for each of those people I loved. All along my walk, I took deep breathes. In and out. Each time I exhaled, I let go of the rage, the anger, the sadness, and the heartbreak that was the majority of my year. Each time I inhaled, I breathed in, I inhaled the positiveness, the optimism, the peace, and the love that was around so that it began to flow through my blood. I walked and walked. I stopped at the Washington Monument and I walked around and looked up and sat and stood. And I kept breathing... I saw it all leave with each exgale and felt it all enter with each inhale. Smiling the entire. Sometimes with tears. And after midnight, the few people at the Washington Monument that had grown to a hundred, erupted in cheers and shouts of Happy New Year. As I and others left, people stopped one another and we all shared in the hope that is in the new year, in 2010. In My Year.

That is what I did. I found my spirit again. I'm at the beginning of a journey of healing and it involves all aspects - mental, physical, and spiritual. It's going to be a bumpy ride, but here I go.