Some days.

Some days I just don't know what to write. Today, although still in a good mood, still in joy, was a bit harder. I just miss someone. Plain and simple.

It is hard to miss someone. There are those little things. Funny little occurrences that trigger memories of shared jokes that only the other person would get or appreciate. Who do you tell now?

The urge to share your day, as you have for practically every single day for the previous year, with that person. To ask about the other person's day. Who do you ask about their day now? Who do you tell your day to?

Then there is just the plain conversation. Gone. And, it's s hole - in your day, in your being, and, sometimes, in your soul. There is a bit of an ache in the heart , which is both good and bad. It reminds you that you feel, but also that something isn't there.

Then, there is also the part that makes you feel like an idiot for liking someone for so long who didn't like you. How did you not see it? And, then you remember how good it is to like someone and how alive it makes you feel. How, even after 10 years, it is good to take a chance on someone, and it will be good to do it again.

There's a lot of change right now for me. A hell of a lot. I don't know how long it will take to get past the heartache, past the liking, to a place where I can be a friend without any additional interest. Going through this and all the rest. It could be months. Only time will tell.

Until then, I allow myself to miss, allow myself to feel silly, and smile at both. I acknowledge I'm human and look forward to finding a person who reciprocates.

Some day.